Body Ques Tell Who You Are Without Speaking
by Jason Young Guy
One thing I’ve developed over the many years of Entertaining on the piano and being in the public, and that is the ability to read body language or as I call them “Body Ques”. Actually I’m not sure if it’s a natural ability or if it was a learned ability, but probably a learned ability that most may not be aware they give off all the time when engaging with others. It can have all kinds of positive and negative impacts to those you encounter.
Before I did independent concerts, I use to entertain every evening at a very nice restaurant called, The Renaissance Tower as a “live background music pianist.” It was similar to the Washington Space Needle and had a very nice piano where I played continuously from 5pm to 9pm every day. I was always conscious of what I played, how loud or soft and what genre was most appealing with the guests at the time.
I realized that I was always watching people’s body language when I played a particular arrangement, and could tell if the piece was fitting or not based on people body ques. It became a common, unconscious practice I was doing which allowed me to adjust in a moment to re-accommodate the song or style best I could and it always seemed to worked without them even knowing. I actually became quiet good at it. So much to the point I became constantly aware of what body ques I was giving off in just regular conversations and interactions with other people.
Body Ques tell who we are even without saying a word, and it’s something that we all give off when we are in public or private interaction with others. Gaining a respect and likeability from others can often come from just the way you give off body language before you even speak.
For example, if someone approaches you on the street or in a store and says, “excuse me sir or mam?”, do you first turn toward them with eyebrows slightly raised accompanied by an inviting smile which gives the facial language of a soft, approachable question of “yes?” to them? Or do you turn with one eyebrow partly raised, slight wrinkle in the center forehead, back jaws clinched and a partially, squinted eye which gives a somewhat approachable but more invoking a sense of irritation and caution to the person?
Once that initial greeting is made and how you make it can have impacts on how others see you even before you say a word.
My point is that by being conscious of how you address people and listen during conversations can give you more respect and a more reputable reputation, which in turn can help you acquire things more easily from others like gratitude, respect, trust or even a job. Whether it be just their attention or actual help in a matter, your body language can always speak before your lips. By being approachable and respectful even when someone else’s body language is terrible, they will still be more prone to listen and take in account what you are saying. The wrong body language can instantly send an unintended “vibe” that might be difficult to regain. That is why you sometimes hear people say, ” I just had a bad vibe from him” or ” Something just wasn’t right about her” or “I just didn’t feel comfortable around him”. Those usually come from body ques more than your actual conversations.
Body ques can be very easy in gaining comfort, trust and respect from others, but they can also be quiet damaging on the esteem of others and have impacts you may never see when giving the wrong ques.
For example, my neighbor is a Veteran of Vietnam. He is in his latter years, and has developed a short-term memory loss. I’m new in my neighborhood, so I don’t know him very well like I do my old neighbors where I once lived. He and I happen to run into each other about every other few weeks as I’m getting my mail. When he says hello, I turn and do exactly as I stated above with the body language. I have also formed a habit of doing it so I never have to worry about the wrong language as I greet someone. So, with a smile and relaxed face and body language he walks over and say hello and begin chatting.
Bob is from New York, and he knows that I’m a Musician and Entertainer. When he first met me he told me this long and very interesting story about meeting Billy Joel in a small cafe in New York back before Billy made it successful. He explained how he went to the piano and played for hours as they gathered around and sang until 3 in the morning. So, as we begin talking about the weather, he begins to tell the story of Billy Joel again to me. This story is told to me every time we meet.
Now keep in your mind, I also have a business conference call in about 20 minutes as he is beginning to tell me the same story again. Inside I know what he’s about to tell me, and I also know I have an important meeting so I can either do one of two things.
1. I can stop him in his excitement of sharing the story with me and his enjoyment of being social and telling it as if he’s never told it before and explain he’s told me the story and I have to really go. Or,
2. I can continue to listen as if I have never heard the story and with enthusiasm.
If I’m not consciously careful, my body ques will give that answer to him before I can speak, which he would pick up on and not only embarrass him as he catches himself that he’s told the story before, but it could be quiet depressing for him and hurtful as he realizes he’s having a problem. At least that is how I would see it personally. So, at his age and out of great respect for others, as well as, my character, I chose to keep the curious smile, lifted eyebrows and listen to the same story as if I’ve never heard it before.
I did missed my business call, but I polished my character, my consciousness of how I treat others especially the older generations, but above all I made HIM feel normal and special as he shared his repeated excitement of a simple story that has been told over and over. You could see the enjoyment he got from my positive body language that I expressed while he told the story. That body language gave him the ok to tell me the story and made him comfortable, as well as, trusting of me as a person.
Even if I had to leave and interrupt the story, there is a way in which to do that with the right body ques as well, so that it doesn’t somewhat hurt that person’s feelings or embarrass them. That is the ultimate goal, which makes your character shine through.
That is a small example, but the point is if we carry ourselves and express our body ques consciously with great care and admiration in any situation, then we can change how others see us, respect us and like us without even saying a word.
Hope this makes sense for you as to what I’m trying to relay based on my experience. I do believe it’s important and can greatly benefit anyone, and anyone can see the result when they consciously look for it now when they engage others.
May your body ques always lift someone’s esteem, character, and even bring out the best body language of those that have negative and derogatory ones when they engage with you. This truly makes who you are and how you are seen by others before you even speak. It’s up to you how the world views your character, manners and integrity simply by the way you speak without using your lips first.
Have a blessed day,
Jason Young Guy